Triple Entendre (triple_entendre) wrote,
Triple Entendre
triple_entendre

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The Absence of Pain Feels So Sweet

The absence of pain feels soo sweet. I woke up just now, and it was my first, completely reflexive thought:
I could feel my sense of self contentedly flowing back into a part of the brain that had previously been constricted, inaccessible.

It was a pretty mild migraine as such things go. Maybe a 6 on a scale of 1 to 11. I've only had one
3 or 4 times before, years ago, and I've never had a mild one before. I think that noticing it early on
and taking the appropriate steps really helps. You have to act BEFORE it hurts.

humanitics sent me a sweet note invoking foot massage and redirection of energy.
Visualizing someone's intention of pulling energy currents away from my head was helpful, as long as
I didn't "think" about it. "Thinking" about anything was a bad idea, but "imagining" was okay. It
made sleep more possible.


Onset
I knew it was coming because the ability to correctly percieve what is at the focal point of my vision
became difficult. Reading grows more and more difficult, you have to stare at the words intensely in order
to 'see' them at all and 'force' your vision to work. NEVER DO THIS. You will make it worse! Past experience has shown me that each moment of struggle against the perceptual quirks of a migraine will be paid for in extra hours of pain.
I paused only long enough to post that LJ entry, and even that was foolish of me.

Eyes closed, there was a slight shimmer/vibration in the lower right of my visual field.
Just thinking about 60Hz flickering computer screens and fluorescent lights was unpleasant.

I slept until I felt like putting my head on a pillow was a bad thing.

Ow, that hurts
I awoke for a little while and was dismayed to find myself in the midst of a "mild" migraine.
Dull head pain plus a sharp fragmented spike on the right side.

I got up and went looking for a painkiller, although I was skeptical it would help.

My sense of smell was heightened. I had to remove a plate of food from my room, and
my truck smelled impossibly musty from the recent rains leaking into the carpet.

I felt that taking any action, of any sort, might directly increase the pain or the nausea.
I felt dull, incomplete.

I'd skipped a day on the Lexapro and then taken it again, and now I noticed its presence
in the nerves of my mouth and throat and tummy. It felt queasy.

I decided on the Excedrin, although any and all drugs sounded like an intuitively bad idea.
I sat there with the two Excedrin in my hand for a while, trying to convince my brain that
these might help. But feeling like nothing will help is characteristic of migraines. I took
the pills and drank some more water.

Being awake for about a half hour was just long enough for the pain to make me feel blessedly tired again.
I slept.
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