Triple Entendre (triple_entendre) wrote,
Triple Entendre
triple_entendre

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Rambling Man

The contact lenses, when they go in just right, and I don't notice until I look at the computer's LCD screen and DAMN! Look at those pixels! If it were daytime, I'd look at a tree and go DAMN, look at all those leaves!

Had a long chat over lunch with snobscure at the Green Mesquite the other day. Highly recommended, both. Always interesting to meet new people, especially the introverts. I'd be interested to hear your impression of the conversation, snobscure, if you feel like it.

There are some things that become clearer when you try to talk about them. I'm sorry, y'all, for wanting to hurt you with my absence. I've needed to hide away for a while, and that's been very restorative, very healing. I've had a lot of time and space. But I took it a little too far, because "I" had taken so much damage and it was easier just to stop, to stop everything. I want to come out now.

I slept all day today (Friday), I guess I needed it. I stopped by for the very last few moments of winwin's 30th birthday celebration. The theme was fabulously done; I'm glad I got to see it and say hello to some people. Kept the hosts company for a bit while they started the clean-up; gave askesis a ride home. He's fun to talk to.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still antisocial. But it's back to being mostly about me again, which I think is healthier. And I'm getting over myself, too. So to speak.

My last remaining compulsive-and-confusing worry is my lack of a job and my intense lack of desire for one. The idea of "work" seems like, why would I do that to myself, and on purpose? But I'll need to get into something, at least a couple of days a week, because I like this roof over my head. My little room is liveable now, and there's even enough space for one or two visitors to sit and chat comfortably.

I'm at home now, and feeling kinda all dressed up with no one to do. No extrovert wife to pimp me out anymore, no carefully-screened surprise guests in the bed. No interim-compromise-girlfriends-with-potential, either.  I'm saddened to think how many years it'll be before I have an emotional partner who's intimate, emotionally steady, and open enough to support an artsy porn career.

That's not meant as an invitation -- I'm frustratingly choosy AND arbitrary -- but I've reached that point where I feel healthy and secure enough to say "I don't think I'll date anyone for a while." Haha. There, I've said it. Start your watches, place your bets.

- Trip


P.S. - In writing all of the above, I omit mention of two long-distance sweethearts. Love you both, and plane fare is my next short-term goal.
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