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May. 9th, 2004 | 04:09 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative
music: 808 State - State To State

I'm tired of dating women who feel sad because I won't force sex on them. If they could ask me for that, sure, maybe I'd play. But not if it's something they are able to want but not choose. Do I sound bitter? I'm sure bitterness only makes it worse.

I'm sorry that so many horrible things happened to you when you were little.

But I am not the kindly older brother you wish you'd had. And I'm not that bastard who hurt you, either.

(a notable shift of perspective occurs here)

I don't know the answer.
The only good option that seems likely to work for me is talking things through, in detail, in a neutral context and time. I doesn't seem like that's something most people are ready to do. I suspect that I've consistently underestimated that willingness, though. I'm resolved to push for more talking. I know it's not Romantic, this making of conversation and agreements and understanding.

If I were a rich man I'd buy all my friends therapy.

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Comments {6}

Corinna Green

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from: greencorinna
date: May. 9th, 2004 03:02 pm (UTC)

I'm very appreciative you put that LJ-cut there.

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from: anonymous
date: May. 9th, 2004 03:25 pm (UTC)

i think that sounds like a wise plan that perhaps could help many people. of course, i'm taken with a "romantic rhetoric" and the idea of dialogue about the issues which you mention fits nicely into this different view of "rhetoric." the issues of which you speak should always be a choice. and dialogue is always better if you ask me. but not everyone appreciates or likes that.

that's just my opinion, of course.


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from: fulguritus
date: May. 9th, 2004 03:36 pm (UTC)

wanna come over and chat?

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from: choiceful
date: May. 10th, 2004 12:45 am (UTC)

I can recommend an excellent therapist in Austin, who works at a sliding scale clinic which is incredibly cheap if you have low income. (we're talking around $15-25/hr session)

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from: kai_
date: May. 10th, 2004 10:11 am (UTC)

What do you mean by "force sex"?

I've heard some men say that the women they're dating need to have the men "force sex" on them... but what they're really talking about is taking initiative.

Yes, I like it when a man I'm dating takes initiative and kisses/fondles me. If it is a desired thing, then I will respond in a multitude of ways. All of which are clearly consensual.

Once I've been sexually intimate with someone, I will (often) initiate sexual contact with my partner.

But I generally do not initiate the first moment of intimate physical contact with someone. If the man I'm dating isn't going to do it either... we end up not dating much longer.

I do, however, try to make it /very obvious/ that I'm receptive to sexual advances prior to the first contact. I've been known to say things like, "Getting me into bed is easy, as long as you make the first move."

I don't know how I would be able to make things any more clear than that.

Now if you mean "force sex" as in literally having a woman be non-participating in sexual activities, or non-receptive to sexual touch... then I'd have big issues. Big enough that I'd find someone else to have sex with, and keep those women as friends.

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from: tequilanolime
date: May. 12th, 2004 01:39 pm (UTC)

Oh I don't know...I have a very romantic relationship with someone with whom I make agreements and conversation and understanding...who are these women who seem to make such high demands upon you? Not that I am asking int he literal sense...I don't care about their names, but who are they?
I worry about you.
And I will gladly take up your offer to have some therapy when you get rich enough to provide it for all your friends.

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