I'm tired of dating women who feel sad because I won't force sex on them. If they could ask me for that, sure, maybe I'd play. But not if it's something they are able to want but not choose. Do I sound bitter? I'm sure bitterness only makes it worse.
I'm sorry that so many horrible things happened to you when you were little.
But I am not the kindly older brother you wish you'd had. And I'm not that bastard who hurt you, either.
(a notable shift of perspective occurs here)
I don't know the answer.
The only good option that seems likely to work for me is talking things through, in detail, in a neutral context and time. I doesn't seem like that's something most people are ready to do. I suspect that I've consistently underestimated that willingness, though. I'm resolved to push for more talking. I know it's not Romantic, this making of conversation and agreements and understanding.
If I were a rich man I'd buy all my friends therapy.