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Mobius Trip

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Apr. 24th, 2004 | 11:58 am

I thank the Universe for the Adderall; it channels my energy into the ability to take what's inside me and pour it out to share through venues like this one. But Adderall is such a blunt instrument. I don't doubt that its secondary effects will shorten my lifespan.

I wish I wrote more in here, and in more depth. But it only flows when my spirit is willing. Usually it is TIRED and PAIN and SUFFOCATION to get things out; to communicate.1 To share like I want to. That's probably why some of the things I share (in general) are so far outside of the mainstream. It's definitely why I can be so intense. I mean, if you can get me to come out and play, if you get my attention, there's a lot of depth to it.

Overall, I feel my empathy is returning as the passing of time heals the emotional trauma of the loss of both my marriage and other relationships. I've been so numb.

'You hide behind your words', someone offered. I love the way people on certain 'recreational' drugs will just say things out of context that illuminate truths or potentialities. 'Maybe. Or, I see where my words lead me', I countered. I think we met somewhere in the middle.


[1] Sometimes if I 'push' (or leap) past these, there's freedom beyond. Other times it's a tar-baby or a Moebius strip.

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Comments {5}

The (Extra)ordinary Anthropologist

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from: jenarael
date: Apr. 24th, 2004 10:35 am (UTC)
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Personally, I think the human mind behaves like a Möbius/Moebius strip; we can ruminate and flow over both sides of an issue but the irony is it so often leads us back to the beginning. Which isn't bad - we are primates who form mental maps and webs to purposely make connexions and utilize those. But also, I think when we feel we should write -- or even want to write -- and something isn't willing, taking a step back helps because it's so common to drive our thought processes into the ground with overwork. Like you said, tired and suffocation.

For what it's worth, overcoming pain such as having a relationship, a marriage, fall apart is one of the most difficult things a person can do, and very admirable. Only time, or what goes on when we're not looking and just waiting for time to pass -- living, allows inner wounds to heal.

And I like to think we glean something good from even the most horrible and emotionally trying ordeals.

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Triple Entendre

Twisty little passages

from: triple_entendre
date: Apr. 24th, 2004 01:22 pm (UTC)
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Thank you for the kind words, the umlaut, and the Queen's English (connexion). They all cheer me.

Taking a step back is good advice, but some of my pushing/struggling/working is using brain-muscles I didn't used to know existed. That's been very helpful, and I'm more likely to need a reminder to do that kind of work than to need a reminder to take a break.
And I like to think we glean something good from even the most horrible and emotionally trying ordeals.
We do. I believe that. And not just because they give us interesting stories to tell. :)

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