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Off and On

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Apr. 24th, 2004 | 11:15 am

I'm either 'on' or 'off'.  When I'm on, I'm really on.  And I can see the other ones who are 'on'.  When I'm off, I can still feel but I don't process external facts and I don't send eye signals and I don't talk until I 'come back' or someone engages me.  I'm 'off' when I'm thinking about something and using all of my attention on it.  I'm trying to notice the difference and the transition and bring both 'on' and 'off' into some sort of spiritual awareness.  Yet they are both spiritual.  Maybe what I'm saying is I'd like to be able to share both.  The 'off' is a little difficult to get someone to relate to.  It does seem to come across in my writing.  I can see why some writers have referred to writing as 'dirty'.  You know, dirty like 'dirty-pictures' dirty.

In person, if I say something eloquent, the eloquence was constructed in that other ('off') place and then dipped into my language centers like making a caramel candy apple.  The words stick to it and cool.  Online journaling is like wax paper to put 'em on.  

I don't want to blur the 'off' and 'on'.  I just want more choices. 

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Comments {2}

dr. pangloss

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from: denshi
date: Apr. 24th, 2004 02:21 pm (UTC)

I love how your 'off' comes up with easy to identify physical descriptions, like caramel on wax paper. I'm uncertain as to the operation of my own 'off', but it seems much harder to relate.

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from: anonymous
date: Apr. 26th, 2004 02:48 pm (UTC)

i notice that often when you talk you don't look at the person you are talking to. you look off into some unseen landscape, like the way most people look when they are giving directions from a viewpoint they are not currently at:

uhhh, turn left at the jiffylube. go three blocks . . . . my house is on the third on the right with the blue bicycle locked to the porch.

you are navigating your own inner map.

idreamtrains (http://idreamtrains.diaryland.com)

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