April 25th, 2005

whiny pussy

Every so often, I answer my phone

Just spoke with reinaness on the phone for about 50 minutes. It was... strange. But it didn't hurt this time.

Every other time before this one, any time I have told her something about my life, I got a fresh feeling of loss. As if somehow sharing was losing, though that doesn't fit any of my philosophy. But it made it feel dangerous just to talk to her. This time, I held on and coasted gently through my tight-lipped defensive anger and skepticism and got to a point where we kept talking because we enjoy talking with one another. I forget -- and yet can't forget -- how much of me there is in her, and how much of her in me. Of course it's really that we had a lot of time to teach each other about what was in us already, but we each could still protest, "I learned it from watching you!"

It was good to talk. "Dude!" I said, "I still can't believe you're, like, married to some other guy, and having a baby." So very surreal. We both laughed at that. She's doing what's good for her. And, for my part, I'm still getting used to how much less stressful my life is without her to navigate. What alternate universe have I stumbled permanently into? No less surreal than the one I came from, I guess.

I'm still very glad I didn't go to the wedding. Instead, yangenigma took me out for dinner and a movie. It was everything I could have wanted for a 'Your Ex-Wife Is Getting Married Day!', but even better than that -- it was more like an ordinary day plus a romantic date with a wonderful girl who I'll be seeing more of.

My long-term long-distance girlfriends cuddlyeconomist and tarian have been very supportive and wonderful as well. I will dedicate a future post exclusively to each of them if they promise to be properly embarrassed.

humanitics, although fiercely releasing us from our attachments and entanglements and therefore any labels, holds a permanent place in my heart for showing me I still have love to give. And for indirectly teaching me that relationships conducted through poetry require exegesis.

Props yo. Great, now I'm doing shout-outs.

Love to all my ex-girlfriends. I'm pretty sure they all read this thing.

And to the dozen or so crushes I have. Yeah, if you're wondering if I "like" you, I probably do.

All my other friends are pretty cool, too.

And pretty much everybody reading this.

And you.


I guess I need to write more about this sort of thing, in here and elsewhere. If for no other reason than so I can choose just one "mood icon" per post.