When you've hurt someone, through stupidity, fear, and selfishness, and slowly and subtly, how long should they be infuriated? forever? When love was your deepest motivation but wasn't enough...
I don't want to die. But I wish I wanted to. Oh whatever, I'm typing this on my fucking Palm phone and this isn't doing anyone any good, and I'll just stare at it tomorrow and wonder what I was thinking. I'll be fine in an hour or two and once again unable to meet anyone's reasonable expectations. Too bad I need so much affection and admiration to be happy. I'd do better for the world as a hermit. Hermits aren't expected to "show up", or call, or not sleep all day, or whatever. God it makes me so tired just to think about doing what most people do every day.
I depend so much on being believed in. It's everything to me. I'm vain.
Enough shoveling, maybe later I'll tell you a story.