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Reasonable Person

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May. 12th, 2003 | 07:26 pm
mood: Desolate

A reasonable person would be filling out divorce papers right about now. I am not a reasonable person.

Goddamnit.

When you've hurt someone, through stupidity, fear, and selfishness, and slowly and subtly, how long should they be infuriated? forever? When love was your deepest motivation but wasn't enough...

I don't want to die. But I wish I wanted to. Oh whatever, I'm typing this on my fucking Palm phone and this isn't doing anyone any good, and I'll just stare at it tomorrow and wonder what I was thinking. I'll be fine in an hour or two and once again unable to meet anyone's reasonable expectations. Too bad I need so much affection and admiration to be happy. I'd do better for the world as a hermit. Hermits aren't expected to "show up", or call, or not sleep all day, or whatever. God it makes me so tired just to think about doing what most people do every day.

I depend so much on being believed in. It's everything to me. I'm vain.

Enough shoveling, maybe later I'll tell you a story.

Love (unrequited),
Triple Entendre

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Comments {12}

Monkey

(no subject)

from: foolmonkey
date: May. 12th, 2003 04:52 pm (UTC)
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I don't really have much to say. I miss you. I mean, what I know of you, anyway.

I like stories, though. I'm going to start a story time this summer. It'd be cool if you could come.

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Triple Entendre

(no subject)

from: triple_entendre
date: May. 14th, 2003 01:54 am (UTC)
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Thanks.

I miss what I know of me, too. ...But I'll be back. We have the tools, we have the technology.

Stories are good. Yay storytime!

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Reese

(no subject)

from: ephemeral_ether
date: May. 13th, 2003 12:33 am (UTC)
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Oh. FUCK.

I don't know what else to say . . . Well, I have lots to say, but it all wants to come out in one huge mess of words that wouldn't do either of us any good. *sigh*

I'm sorry.

I've been there. April 23rd, 2000. It was Hell. I didn't have a choice in the matter. It sucked. I'm so sorry.

But I respect and admire your faith.

(ephemeral)

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Triple Entendre

(no subject)

from: triple_entendre
date: May. 14th, 2003 03:13 am (UTC)
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Thanks.

lots to say, but

Yeah, I know. Don't sweat it.

But I respect and admire your faith.

You say the nicest things. I've found that so much of what happens to us is a consequence of what we believe. (This includes religion as a trivial case.) One can always, always, always choose to be happy. This is Calvinball (not Calvinistball) we're all playing, here, and the fun is as much or more in building the structure of this very serious game as in playing it. The Universe rewards us if we remain a good sport. And I do believe there exists a valid form of cynical happiness.

Luck = Faith.

on average.

--
Triple Entendre

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(no subject)

from: mitya000
date: May. 13th, 2003 06:07 am (UTC)
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I'm having a birthday on wednesday. come and have a fine festive supper with us. It'll cheer you up for sure. comment this post for directions, etc.

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Triple Entendre

(no subject)

from: triple_entendre
date: May. 14th, 2003 01:56 am (UTC)
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I'll take that dare. I have some plans, but maybe I can weave them in.

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Courtney

(no subject)

from: paniolo99
date: May. 13th, 2003 07:38 am (UTC)
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I'm so sorry.

It hurts, I know. Been there, many times.

Hope you feel better soon.

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Triple Entendre

(no subject)

from: triple_entendre
date: May. 14th, 2003 02:14 am (UTC)
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Thanks.

(politely) Many times?

I am feeling a lot better today. I called up and apologized for overstaying the conversation. I was tired, hungry, and undermedicated; I had no business discussing a relationship under those circumstances. I had mentioned that I was driving nearby, and she suggested a hug, but it didn't quite work out the way we intended. Next time I'll be more mindful of our stated intent and stick to it.

I'm trying to grow out of old patterns...

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dr. pangloss

(no subject)

from: denshi
date: May. 13th, 2003 09:05 am (UTC)
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I'm free today after 5 if you want to get together and hang out.

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Triple Entendre

(no subject)

from: triple_entendre
date: May. 14th, 2003 02:00 am (UTC)
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Thanks. I need more hanging out, I think.

I went skating. I have a date tonight, but I might be at church night. Board games on Thursday?

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(no subject)

from: ex_ampere443
date: May. 13th, 2003 12:05 pm (UTC)
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I am thinking of you fondly.

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Triple Entendre

(no subject)

from: triple_entendre
date: May. 14th, 2003 02:26 am (UTC)
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I turn sentences over in my head a lot, communication for me is kind of like soup, or better, a stew. So, I am fondling of you thinky. :) (Um, no fence is tended.)

Ahem. Pardon my English.

Thanks for your kind thoughts and comments. This whole livejournal thing has helped me remember the important things, like friends. I never used to know I had those!

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