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Apr. 11th, 2005 | 05:28 am
mood: melancholymelancholy
music: Ella Fitzgerald - Can't help lovin' dat man

Sooooo...

Divorced two years or so ago. Feeling a lot better, thanks. Made the irrational yet necessary choice not to know her anymore. No hard feelings, but it seems there's always going to be some pain there for me. In particular, she and her fiance are having a baby, and I feel the need to avoid seeing her pregnant.

She's getting married this weekend. It is oddly and selfishly reassuring to me that the lucky boy is someone whom I was fortunate enough to have formally "approved of" way back when. (Yes, "two years ago" is indeed starting to move into the "when I was little" frame of reference. Or as I was gently corrected this weekend, "when I was younger".) So anyway, no issues with the groom.

I wish them the best and I know they'll have a wonderful life. I'm invited to the wedding. They were even sweet enough to make sure it was okay with me that I was invited before inviting me. But I do feel that I don't belong there, even if I'm the only one that feels that's so.


Any reason I should go?

Speak now, or etc. etc.


P.S. - Oh yeah, and I guess all my friends are gonna be there. No, seriously. If I'm not going, I'd better make some other plans. I had originally planned to be away or busy, like, um, sorry, I'll be out of town, I had to wash my hair that month, or something.

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Comments {26}

Ratha

(no subject)

from: papertygre
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)
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Personally, I like denshi's answer.

I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding (we broke up in summer 1997, he got married a year later in summer 1998). It was fine. We weren't on terribly comfortable terms, but we weren't on bad terms either. There was a lot there to occupy my attention (people I knew, food, music) so I don't know if I even interacted with the couple except for a brief congratulations. I think I went because I felt like I was helping to give *him* closure. That's what a wedding is about, AFAICT. Being there means "I respect and validate what you're doing." Of course, said ex didn't stay married, but hey.

I think that when you date someone you form a kind of link with them, and I've never yet had a breakup that resulted in finding that person unpleasant to be around. I don't talk to many of my exes much anymore, but I think they're more like dormant friendships than burned bridges. So the relevance of my experience may depend on how congruent this is to your situation.

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dr. pangloss

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from: denshi
date: Apr. 12th, 2005 04:41 am (UTC)
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Personally, I like denshi's answer.

At some point, you and I are going to start some kind of nerd gang.

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Ratha

(no subject)

from: papertygre
date: Apr. 12th, 2005 05:03 am (UTC)
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Sounds fierce. I think we could subvert some paradigms.

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