weldings
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Apr. 11th, 2005 | 05:28 am
mood:
melancholy
music: Ella Fitzgerald - Can't help lovin' dat man
Sooooo...
Divorced two years or so ago. Feeling a lot better, thanks. Made the irrational yet necessary choice not to know her anymore. No hard feelings, but it seems there's always going to be some pain there for me. In particular, she and her fiance are having a baby, and I feel the need to avoid seeing her pregnant.
She's getting married this weekend. It is oddly and selfishly reassuring to me that the lucky boy is someone whom I was fortunate enough to have formally "approved of" way back when. (Yes, "two years ago" is indeed starting to move into the "when I was little" frame of reference. Or as I was gently corrected this weekend, "when I was younger".) So anyway, no issues with the groom.
I wish them the best and I know they'll have a wonderful life. I'm invited to the wedding. They were even sweet enough to make sure it was okay with me that I was invited before inviting me. But I do feel that I don't belong there, even if I'm the only one that feels that's so.
Any reason I should go?
Speak now, or etc. etc.
P.S. - Oh yeah, and I guess all my friends are gonna be there. No, seriously. If I'm not going, I'd better make some other plans. I had originally planned to be away or busy, like, um, sorry, I'll be out of town, I had to wash my hair that month, or something.
Divorced two years or so ago. Feeling a lot better, thanks. Made the irrational yet necessary choice not to know her anymore. No hard feelings, but it seems there's always going to be some pain there for me. In particular, she and her fiance are having a baby, and I feel the need to avoid seeing her pregnant.
She's getting married this weekend. It is oddly and selfishly reassuring to me that the lucky boy is someone whom I was fortunate enough to have formally "approved of" way back when. (Yes, "two years ago" is indeed starting to move into the "when I was little" frame of reference. Or as I was gently corrected this weekend, "when I was younger".) So anyway, no issues with the groom.
I wish them the best and I know they'll have a wonderful life. I'm invited to the wedding. They were even sweet enough to make sure it was okay with me that I was invited before inviting me. But I do feel that I don't belong there, even if I'm the only one that feels that's so.
Any reason I should go?
Speak now, or etc. etc.
P.S. - Oh yeah, and I guess all my friends are gonna be there. No, seriously. If I'm not going, I'd better make some other plans. I had originally planned to be away or busy, like, um, sorry, I'll be out of town, I had to wash my hair that month, or something.
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from:
krystiegoddess
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 12:22 pm (UTC)
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from:
chiaroscuro25
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 01:16 pm (UTC)
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from:
uujenna
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 02:02 pm (UTC)
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*bigs hugs* Trip.
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from:
spumoni
date: Apr. 12th, 2005 02:55 am (UTC)
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And I have to return the favor of condolences and figurative comforts. Perhaps make some good hot tea that day and know that your friends are thinking of you and that you're well loved.
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from:
ellisbell
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 01:33 pm (UTC)
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For myself personally, as I am about to be married, I am sending him an invitation as well, but mainly because he had sent me one, and because I know he won't attend. My other exes are not invited; not because I don't care about them or we aren't "friends" anymore, but because I don't want to make my future husband uncomfortable and I don't want to stand there and worry someone might impulsively jump up during the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part. I want my wedding day to be as stress-free as possible.
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from:
nobodobodon
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 01:55 pm (UTC)
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Con: All that other yuck you mentioned.
You can see us some other time. You take care of yourself this weekend. Also the point someone made about your presence putting the bride in a different headspace, that's a non-selfish reason to skip it.
I miss you and look forward to seeing you soon, but not at such great expense.
Surely you have at least one friend not attending? If you have a car or can borrow one, you could take a mini roadtrip. Wildflowers are still out, and Enchanted Rock is always enchanting. And I hear there's really cheap tequila at this place just south of here. How long has it been since you've been through the Menil? Or been infected by medical waste washed up on Galveston?
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from:
libbyt
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 02:00 pm (UTC)
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closure?
from:
denshi
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 02:24 pm (UTC)
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from:
she_flies
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 02:56 pm (UTC)
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I will have to agree with the others and say this isn't an opportunity to grow, it is just an opportunity to dredge up hurt. And, you shouldn't feel like you have to prove something to anyone by going - this is a let sleeping dogs lie moment.
*hugs*
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from:
papertygre
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)
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I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding (we broke up in summer 1997, he got married a year later in summer 1998). It was fine. We weren't on terribly comfortable terms, but we weren't on bad terms either. There was a lot there to occupy my attention (people I knew, food, music) so I don't know if I even interacted with the couple except for a brief congratulations. I think I went because I felt like I was helping to give *him* closure. That's what a wedding is about, AFAICT. Being there means "I respect and validate what you're doing." Of course, said ex didn't stay married, but hey.
I think that when you date someone you form a kind of link with them, and I've never yet had a breakup that resulted in finding that person unpleasant to be around. I don't talk to many of my exes much anymore, but I think they're more like dormant friendships than burned bridges. So the relevance of my experience may depend on how congruent this is to your situation.
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from:
denshi
date: Apr. 12th, 2005 04:41 am (UTC)
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At some point, you and I are going to start some kind of nerd gang.
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from:
papertygre
date: Apr. 12th, 2005 05:03 am (UTC)
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from:
incysor
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC)
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Hugs,
B
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from:
valkyriie
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 04:48 pm (UTC)
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I don't have any great words of wisdom.
Connection and disconnection is always wierd. There is always caring for each other no matter what and it can never be the same.
I just have more Linus blanket hugs.
* * * GOTCHA * * *
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from:
kukiri
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 06:15 pm (UTC)
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But whatever you decide to do, you will have support from your friendses. *hug*
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from:
aethyrflux
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 10:57 pm (UTC)
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but, since you asked... i feel compelled to make a contrary argument... if only b/c i'm not sure, if i was in your position, how capable i would be of grinning and bearing it?
sometimes, what we think we are afraid of is not really nearly as scary as we thought it would be, when we actually experience in person whatever it was that we thought we wanted to avoid. our minds can play tricks on us and make us think that we fear something that, in reality, can be quite wonderful... if we could only look at it from a holistic perspective?
that having been said, from my own recent experience, sometimes i think it's important for people to have sperate spaces to heal before they are ready to completely share in such a joyous occasion. i am still working on getting my reptile/primate brain under control... i have much meditation/chanting/yoga/taichi/magick/e
and my paraphrase of your advice to me is ringing in my ears... that i will know when i am ready, at the point where i am not liable to react with extreme emotion depending on the actions of other people.
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from:
marconiplein
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 06:44 pm (UTC)
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i will buy you a dress and take you out to eat!!
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from:
webnesto
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 06:50 pm (UTC)
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hugs
from:
witchety
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 09:00 pm (UTC)
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Truth and Suckiness
from: anonymous
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 09:43 pm (UTC)
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Truth and Suckiness
from: anonymous
date: Apr. 11th, 2005 09:44 pm (UTC)
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from:
spumoni
date: Apr. 12th, 2005 03:04 am (UTC)
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A brilliant show, by the way, if you've not yet checked it out.
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Hmmmm...
from:
tamimoto
date: Apr. 12th, 2005 03:21 am (UTC)
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Oh.. and you do look like Gaius on Battlestar Galactica in that picture. He has less sex appeal though *wink*.
Love Ya Sweetie!
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from:
fulguritus
date: Apr. 12th, 2005 06:58 am (UTC)
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sleep through it if possible.
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from:
caliedoscope
date: Apr. 12th, 2005 12:31 pm (UTC)
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*hugs*
Wish I had something clever and soothing to add, but all's I's gots is long-distance commisseration. Maybe a good weekend for Jager shots?
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from:
zuleikhajami
date: Apr. 12th, 2005 02:00 pm (UTC)
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*hugs*
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