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Something I wrote, about a month ago

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Mar. 31st, 2003 | 08:58 am

i'm beginning to understand what all my future exes will maybe stop
telling me, that i won't be myself until i've really been alone.
alone as an adult that is. as a child i felt no alone because there
was no world outside my head for to be alone in. as a teen i was the
negative opposite of alone, a pariah. i'm older now, about as old as
i am likely to get.

so here i am. alone.

alone is much larger than i thought. larger than an
open alkali desert, larger than standing in the middle of the road
in the middle of the drag at four in the morning in the cool, damp,
air, every intersection flashing yellow, and there are no cars and
no people, saying to yourself there is no one else alive in the world.

alone is larger than your absence, larger than mine.

i am a fool to say it, since i am only visiting, this alone.
i have homes to return to, and soon, but. alone. for what it's worth.
alone and apart though i still feel you. yes, and you. you, too.

but you are not my problem
and i am not yours

i will build a fire in this alone
alone, warm, and cozy
i sleep

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Comments {4}

dr. pangloss

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from: denshi
date: Mar. 31st, 2003 06:49 pm (UTC)
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I will sell you a popsicle in this alkali desert.

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from: tequilanolime
date: Apr. 2nd, 2003 09:51 pm (UTC)
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Being alone is overrated. I think the only person who really enjoyed it was Thoreau, and look what happened to him. He started talking to the ants.

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dr. pangloss

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from: denshi
date: Apr. 4th, 2003 07:55 am (UTC)
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But learning to handle being alone is very important. It teaches one to discern between 'needing someone for who they are' and 'needing someone because you're lonely'. Some people never really figure out this distinction.

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Re:

from: tequilanolime
date: Apr. 4th, 2003 10:20 am (UTC)
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(I'm gone, and this is Devil's Advocate talking): Can't you need someone for who they are and because you're lonely? Lonely for them? When boyfriends/girlfriends use the old "you need to know what it's like to be alone" argument, that's not fair, because you are lonely for them,/i>. It's just an excuse to break up with you.
(I'm back now): But I agree with your point. I think.

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