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Jun. 18th, 2003 | 12:50 am
mood: awakeawake

i don't understand how to deal with *sad*. i'm super happy chick, all the time, not just in appearance. and i don't have the coping mechanisms. i don't know what to do. i don't know how to be. i don't know what to do to help myself. at all. and my therapist is full, for god knows how long.
i feel like i've gotten the wind knocked out of me.
what kind of terminal damage am i doing to my psyche.


I wonder about this in my situation as well. I self-identify as an almost absurdly happy and feeling-good person. What does it mean for my identity and self-image to be sad? depressed? angry? gloomy?

The only answers I have so far:
- my identifying with happiness is still valid, it's just different than what I thought.
- depression (clinical) has no necessary implication on identity or self-image.
- I don't want to be bitter. I've been saying that a lot recently....

I have more thinking to do on this, and more to share.

--
Triple Entendre

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Comments {6}

Bean

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from: fulguritus
date: Jun. 17th, 2003 11:24 pm (UTC)
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i think that clinical depression isn't really something that we are dealing with here. we are dealing with situational sadness. not a chemical imbalance. we aren't sad out of context. we are sad IN CONTEXT. with good reason.
so i think that with time, we will work through and learn and be ok. until then, we'll cry and be fearful that we are somehow imprinting negatively on our permenant perception patterns. but i remember my absurdly happy nature. and dammit. it's my nature. and yours. we will find our happy again!!!
i think we might need to have some tea together. soon. !~love~!

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Triple Entendre

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from: triple_entendre
date: Jun. 18th, 2003 12:06 am (UTC)
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we are sad IN CONTEXT. with good reason.

Yes. It's just that I've had some of each lately, and took note of the difference.

with time, we will work through and learn and be ok.

Yes. We Will.

i think we might need to have some tea together. soon.

Would love to. Tea might be just the thing!

--
Triple Entendre


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Vern-N

doh...

from: soupsoccermom
date: Jun. 18th, 2003 02:38 am (UTC)
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sorry I missed the burnout/sad clan at the big flipout this year....


It was 5 years.... But 10 months ago it all ended.... I cant call him. I cant talk to him. I can only look inward and outward at my friends and my life.... Am I living in honor of him? Am I falling apart? Am I a zombie? Am I?

So far, I fantasize that my pain has emboldened me to create like never before... To burn this world like never before, for two now..... I had him healed. I had him on the brink. He would have been to flipside finally... Damnit.... I think it was what I needed the most from it all... To see us both finally healed and on the same page... I often believe it was the last step into a relationship that would have been for a lifetime... I get angry when I wander this path.... Then I fall apart again...

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Triple Entendre

(no subject)

from: triple_entendre
date: Jun. 18th, 2003 04:37 am (UTC)
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I had him healed.

I guess it shouldn't suprise us that that's when they leave....


I think it's good to write about it. Thanks for writing here. Be well....

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Emerald

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from: sea_of_change
date: Jun. 18th, 2003 07:13 am (UTC)
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All of you have suffered/are suffering terrible huge losses. It's only natural that you should have a mourning period. Even if the future holds much better and brighter things, something important in your life is ending, so how could you not grieve for that loss? Even if you chose the loss or can see the great things the future has for you, mourning is still a completely natural response when a huge part of your life changes.

You are not your emotions, whatever they might be. You are so much more.

I hope I don't sound like I'm belittling or denying your experiences, it's just that there's something silly about being sad about being sad. Don't be meta-sad, just be sad!

All of you rock! and you are strong and you will get through this, and you will still be your same wonderful selves in the ways that matter on the other side of it.

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Emerald

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from: sea_of_change
date: Jun. 18th, 2003 07:16 am (UTC)
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It's easy to be glib from over here. But I really want y'all to know that you are fantastic human beings.

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